They named them oysters because sea loogie didn't sound appetizing.
I just started to finally remember to write 2011, and now I have to start writing 2012.
The only people who really love change are wet babies.
People who say “I can’t complain” simply aren’t trying hard enough.
My wife always asks if "it's safe to go in there" after a bathroom trip like there's a pack of rabid hyena's loose in our apartment.
Project Runway star Tim Gunn said that he hasn’t had sex in 29 years. I had no idea he was married.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and immediately regretted that decision as there weren't any gas stations.