Before you make fun of someone, walk a mile in their shoes...that way, when you make fun of them, you are a mile away and have their shoes
My doctor calling to confirm my prostate exam is as close as I get to a booty call.
When a group of midgets do the wave do they call it the ripple?
"Baby on board"? If you want people to stop tailgating you I would go with "pissed off, roid-raging ninja on board".
Bring your daughter to work day must be awkward for prostitutes.
Why do the advertisements for women razors show a woman shaving a leg that already has no hair on it?
My girlfriend wants to get married. I really do hope she meets someone nice.