Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
I don't care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I'm more annoyed that random woodland creatures won't clean my house.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
Florida
K-Mart announced they will close 108 stores putting 16 cashiers out of work.
My mom's texts are so much more fun after my sister told her that WTF means "Wow, That's Fantastic."