You know you're getting older when your bra size is a 36 Long.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can't remember what they are.
Being a father is a lot like being the least powerful Vice President in history.
Thunder sounds like highly constipated clouds.
Need an ark? I Noah guy
I’m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
I'm not scared of rehab. 90 days in sweatpants, drinking coffee and talking about me all day sounds fantastic.