Funny Statuses

#2922
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Cyberbilly
My wife says I know how to push all her buttons, but I have yet to find the Mute button.
#2934
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Cyberbilly
My mother never saw the irony of calling me a "son of a bitch".
Go into a store's fitting room. After several minutes yell loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
I live in fear that one day the real "World's Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
Whenever my gums bleeds at the dentist, she always asks me when the last time I flossed was. I look at her puzzled. It was 6 months ago. She was there.
I don't believe in beating my children. I send them to school with Justin Beiber t-shirts on and let the other kids do it for me.
Zombies hate fast food.
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