If they call diarrhea the "runs", why don't they call constipation the "stop"?
So weird how, when you honk as soon as the light turns green, I can't seem to find the gas pedal.
To prepare her for real life I make my daughter pretend to tweet on a toy phone when she's taking a crap.
It's not that I'm suicidal but jumping off a building onto a trampoline held by firemen sounds like so much fun.
Cannibals don't have funerals, just impromptu buffets.
Bluechair
Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween
"Peeve" would be a great name for a pet.