Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
At what point does a muffin top become a busted can of biscuits?
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money.
Amigo
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting.... You're welcome.
Bread bowls: The waffle cone of the soup world.
My computer asked me to choose a password with eight characters. I chose Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Amigo
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.