Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the crap out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
There are over 1,000 billionaires alive today and not one of those losers has decided to become batman.
Andrew Cooper
If someone says they’re gonna open up a can of whoop ass, that means someone out there is canning whoop ass…I’d be more afraid of that second guy.
How do I like my eggs? In a cake...
Xyuppi
I'm really glad chicken breast don't have nipples. That would be very disturbing.
I spilled my pumkin spice latte and now a bunch of ants are making brunch plans and doing yoga.
Xyuppi
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on cars saying "Sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it.