You know you’re in America when you can buy replacement cartridges of ink for $29.25, or buy a brand new printer with ink for $39.95.
I'm going to invent a GPS for kids that says, "We're not there yet", "We're not there yet", "We're not there yet"...
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
Next time you think you're not cool enough, think about how "cool" grandmas are gonna look with "tramp stamps" down the road.
I hate it when servers ask if u want a table. No i came here to eat on the carpet. Carpet for 4 please...
Ladies, the reason you can't find a kind, sensitive and handsome single man is that they already have boyfriends.
My therapist thinks I have a god complex. How dare he say that unto me?