Novell
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Novell
The inventor of throat lozenges has died. There'll be no coffin at his funeral.
It's impossible to tip-toe around without activating your T-Rex arms.
Robert Zunick
I was in a bathroom and I saw a sign that said employees must wash hands. I waited a minute and no one came to wash my hands so I did it myself.
If you can't say something nice about someone, you probably work at the same place I do.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.