Amigo
Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.
If someone makes a racist/sexist joke, say, with total seriousness, “I don’t get it, can you explain it.” Then watch them crash & burn.
I don't take steroids because I never want to look like I'm capable of helping my friends move.
Relationship Status: Getting a haircut once a month just to feel boobs brushed against my arm
Amigo
Politicians are like sperm. One in a million turns out to be an actual human.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Home Alone 4: How Does This Keep Happening? Child Protective Services is Going to Take Your Son From You!