Believe in reincarnation? When you die, don't put RIP on your gravestone, put BRB.
I never understood the phrase "money doesn't grow on trees." Money IS made out of paper, right?
If I want something done right, the LAST thing I would do is do it myself.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why risk it?
I hate it when I don't like a picture on Facebook and wake up in hell the next day.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
How to discipline your child: 1. Politely ask them to stop. 2. Yell. 3. Yell louder. 4. Repeat yourself 74 times. 5. Give up and drink.