Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Bros before hoes... unless the hoes have no clothes
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But I'm on bath salts, and your face looks tasty.
Apparently this guy on the street was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad dude, my bad.
How do I approach my neighbors and tell them that their Wi-Fi isn't working properly and they might need to reset the modem?
Michael Mendoza
Microwave logic: lets make half of this meal completely frozen, and the other half ridiculously hot to eat.
Cyberbilly
When someone yells "Shotgun!" I yell "Rosa Parks!" sit down and refuse to move.