Funny Statuses

I'm not "single", I'm "independently owned and operated".

Women seem to want security. At least that's what they yell whenever I approach them.

Relationship or hallucination? Either way, I'm seeing somebody.

The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl's purse is when it doesn't match what I'm wearing.

Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.

My only trick for looking younger, is when an 90's song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.

Jews, Christians and Muslims have been fighting one another for centuries. Hindus, on the other hand, have no beef with anyone.