Have you ever seen a baby horse trying to stand for the first time? That's what I look like getting out of bed in the morning.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
I demand a "that's what she said" button be added to Facebook.
Cyberbilly
I'm going to open a restaurant called "Peace and Quiet" where kids meals cost $150.
I'm first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan's chariot.
Sending your navy to sit in international waters just off a country's coastline is the world's highest-stakes game of "I'm not touching you"