I finally found a diet plan that works! It's called 'The Cost of Food'.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
Whenever I'm walking and see a car at a red light I like to wave until the person rolls their window down. Then I say, "You know, you can't park there"
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
I really want to sleep, but my brain won't stop talking to itself.
It’s amazing how the lowly potato gives us french fries, potato chips, and vodka. Other vegetables should take notes.