If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
Michael Mendoza
The only time I look forward to red street lights is when I'm trying to finish a text.
If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask. But please, never need anything.
The Vatican says that the Cardinals will pick the next Pope. If it's anything like how they pick QBs, this will certainly be a disaster.
Why does 'beans' only mean secret when it's "Don't spill the beans?" Why can't I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
I have, a really beautiful body, under my floor boards...
Your mom jokes are old and stretched out. Just like your mom.