Boobs are proof that men can focus on two things at once
Did you know that the iPhone 5 can actually help you lose weight? It's true! Simply buy it and you won't be able to afford to eat for a month!
Let’s hope the zombie apocalypse doesn’t start in Kenya because there is no way any of us can outrun those bastards.
My mom texted me "What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?" I answered: "I dont know, love you, talk to you later." Mom: "Ok, I'll ask your sisters"
Voldemort: the original loser of the "got your nose" game.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I just figured out why I'm overweight! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says "For extra volume and body". I'm going to start using "Dawn" dish soap. It says " Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove".