Dear radio stations, instead of 40 minutes of commercial free music, how about 5 minutes of good music?
Every time someone gets "unlimited talk" on their phone, that means some poor soul is doing unlimited listening.
When the earthquake hit DC, the only person who didn't panic was Monica Lewinsky. She was already underneath a desk.
"Good morning!" is usually the first lie of my day.
They can probably ditch the "Insane" part, as it's pretty much implied in the concept of a posse made entirely of clowns.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
At a wedding reception someone yelled, "All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living." The bartender was crushed to death.