Funny Statuses

There is surely nothing that can top what Pope Benedict has given up for Lent
I always thought it made more sense to pour Gatorade on the losing coach.
Okay let's be honest. The only thing worse than seeing a spider in your house, is losing a spider in your house.
Who was the marketing genius that called them killer whales instead of sea-pandas?
Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you're doing anything with your life today.
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn't listen to me... I said,"You're about to walk into a lamppost."
Had my identity stolen last year.... my credit score has gone up 100pnts
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