Every time I go to the pool in my bathing suit I can feel all the women dressing me with their eyes.
Shopping for antiques won't make you gay, but it will make you buy curios.
Cyberbilly
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a 'paranoid old weirdo' in morse code.
French people give me the crepes.
Monday is one of my favourite days of the week. My 7th favourite.
Someone needs to make an app that alerts you every time your girlfriend gets a haircut, so we don't forget to notice.