pedicure lady: ohhh you shave your legs for a boy tonight? me: no i shaved them for you! pedicure lady: ohhh that's sad
When will my dog ever get the hint that my leg just wants to be friends.
Who came up with the design for a Twinkie? Why a flesh-colored tube with white cream inside?
When I was a little kid I thought a bearded lady was a mythical creature only found at the circus, now I get to work with 3 of them.
Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream.
Funny how, when you honk at me for stopping to let one car go, I suddenly get the urge to let five or six cars go.
Of course I talk to myself. It's the only way I can get intelligent responses.