Sometimes i feel sorry for God.... He's a single parent and all his children are jerks who think they know it all.
I really don't understand why I can't have a unicorn on my fantasy football team.
I've learned I can put an end to close talkers by sneaking in for a quick kiss.
I bet if we made congress use 1ply toilet paper until our economy was fixed, they would have it corrected by tomorrow.
A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never let her down. He will comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions. He will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible...No, wait. Sorry. I'm thinking of wine. It's wine that does all that. Never mind.
I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, "Cookies are required to operate." I thought to myself, "Me too, Facebook. Me too."
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.