I once dated an amputee. She single-handedly changed my life.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn't care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
This girl once told me she wanted me to do it doggy style, so I licked her face, crapped on the carpet, and bit her mailman in the ankle.
Is anyone going to tell America's funniest videos about YouTube?
For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers.
New study says you idiots will believe anything that starts off with 'new study says.'
I don't always find a TV show I like on Netflix, but when I do, I watch all 7 seasons in 5 days.