Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that's not just the booze talking either".
Step 1: Buy a 3D printer. Step 2: Print a 3D printer. Step 3: Return the 3D printer.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Amigo
There's a dumbass on your keyboard between the Y and I. Just look.
VSnake
I get my cereal from a tiger, insurance from a gecko, toilet paper from a bear, financial advice from a gorilla. It's people I don't trust.
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.