I'd be calmer defusing a bomb after four Red Bulls than watching my parents use my laptop.
If you can read this, thank a teacher! If you can do busy work for an hour or watch a weird, unrelated video, thank a substitute teacher!
I judge the authenticity of a Chinese restaurant based on the number of typos on the menu.
What do caps lock and prison have in common? They can make your "o" into an "O"
The sick bastard who put the ‘D’ in Wednesday must be the same genius who put the ‘R’ in February.
My parents told me: "You've got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!" so I turned on the subtitles.
Wherever you pause in a movie, the actor's face will always look stupid.