If you can't say anything nice, say something clever, but devastating.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I'm ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Summer is my favorite time of year to be in Atlanta. The heat gives me a perfect excuse to stay inside and day-drink.
Would you rather have world peace, or have Justin Beiber lose his vocal chords? Quick! This genie is getting impatient!
I'm an exceptional mother of 1. Too bad I have 3.
I bet a lot of people die when there's a fire in China. They don't exactly have the best drill.
Whenever I feel like I need to get my stuff together, I remember that MTV is 3 months older than me and still hangs out with 12-year-olds.