Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It's probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
Was the pirate's hook the cause of his eye injury? Or did the eye patch affect his depth perception, causing the hand injury?
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
Relationships are weird. "you're funny and smart" eventually turns to "you think you know everything and everything is a joke to you".
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can't have any more food and I'm never ready for that kind of commitment.