Cyberbilly
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
Florida
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
I'm too tired to do a lap dance. How 'bout I just sit on your knee and you do the horsey thing?
Married people with children do not have "sex", they have "quick, they're asleep!".
I've always been a big supporter of gay marriage. I mean, who wants to go to a sad wedding?
When men don't shave for a while it's rugged and masculine. When women don't shave for a while it's rugged and masculine.
If I were a shepherd, I would never take inventory of my flock for fear of falling asleep on the job.