If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
Don't get too excited if someone says your looks could stop traffic. A homeless man taking a dump in the middle of the street stops traffic.
Whenever someone tells me I'm stupid I tell them it's pronounced "stupendous".
I wish that I would get a popup for "possible virus" when I meet new girls.
I'd offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.