Funny Statuses

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the cup of water. I drank it. - The Opportunist
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your "like" becomes.
I'm secretly recording all of my classes this week and I'm going to sell them on Etsy as a natural sleep aid.
Why is it alcohol can kill brain cells but, not fat cells?
For all those who answer "how's it goin?" with "can't complain", please review your Facebook statuses
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
If you're walking on sunshine, please adjust your dosage accordingly
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