Ford F-150 commercials make it seem as if hauling loads of crumbled boulders over mountainous terrain is a commonly-practiced thing.
When one door closes, another one opens; that's the main reason I'm convinced my house is haunted.
Cyberbilly
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
People think I'm crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
Me: 'I really can't stay'. Bed: 'But baby, it's cold outside'.
Amigo
Some say there is no difference between "complete" and "finished". Let me explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand." When you marry the right woman, you are "complete". If you marry the wrong woman, you are "finished". And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are "completely finished".
Farts are like children. I'm proud of mine and disgusted by yours.