Roses are red. Facebook is blue. No mutual friends. Who the hell are you?
Why does water that has "trickled through the mountains for centuries" have a "use by" date?
I’m pretty sure if dogs could talk their most common phrase would be “Are you going to eat that?”
Wait, what if I'm allergic to Kleenex?
I'm not crazy, everyone else in the world is just boring.
Bitches or not, 99 problems is still a a lot of problems
Just because something is meant for kids doesn't mean it won't be amusing for adults. Boobs are a great example.