Thanks Microwave, for heating the plate and not my food...
Nothing bonds women faster than finding out that they hate the same people.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
Hipster farmers don't harvest crops because they're only cool when they're underground.
If reincarnation exists, the next level up from humans better be dinosaurs.
Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason i have trust issues.
Make grocery shopping fun....put pregnancy tests in old ladies carts & beer in pregnant women's. Although that's a typical sight at Walmart.....