If I start to spell your name the right way, please don't interrupt me with whatever wrong way your parents chose to spell it.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
#didyouhear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong."
So I'm stuck in traffic and nothing is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on my window. I roll down the window and ask, "What's going on?" he says "Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection." "How much is everyone giving, on average?" I ask. The man replies, "About a gallon."
If we really wanted to slow down Iran's nuclear scientists we'd introduce them to Angry Birds.
If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you should do it the way I told you to in the beginning.
Dave Asten
The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever.