I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I'm 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.
Today I found my first grey pubic hair. Normally this wouldn’t have bothered me, but it was in my egg McMuffin.
You can say a lot of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly near schools.
Florida
Today sure as hell didn't turn out much like the brochure described.
Without the moon, there would be no tides, and no name for what my brothers did to me.