Funny Statuses

I'm writing a funny book. should i call it "The Lone Ranger goes to Canada" or "On To Toronto Tonto"?

I bought a car so old that it doesn't have dents, it has wrinkles.

Did you ever get the feeling that the world is a tuxedo and you're a pair of brown shoes?

I saw a man get his watch stolen rite from under his nose. What a strange place to keep a watch.

I don’t like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so I mix it with hand sanitizer. It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at night

On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good and not all the time.

I was visited by a jolly fat guy over the holidays with a bag over his shoulder, no not Santa, my brother came home from college with his laundry