Always make sure to tell your wife you are going to the hardware store before walking out the door saying "gonna go get some trim"...
If you want to insult deaf people you should watch your mouth
I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long
My mom bought way too much candy this year since hardly any trick or treaters came to the house. I have boatloads of candy. If anybody wants some, message me so that I can tell you to f*&% off because it's all mine!
Timbob D.
Just replied to an ad by a young woman looking for a co sleeper. Wow was I way off on what I thought she wanted.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.