According to my wife who does the laundry, I've been the underwear bomber for years.
Even those starving kids in Africa wouldn't eat my mom's cooking.
I've been trying to throw away my garbage can for 7 months.
Do people's maids take off the whole month of October? Everywhere I look, their houses are dirty with a ton of cobwebs.
My daughter asked "What runs in our family?" The only thing I could think of was "mental illness".
Life is too short to hold your farts in.
You want scary? I'm going to be with my in-laws for Halloween.