Funny Statuses

I had a dream about Rick Moranis last night. It was probably his biggest starring role since "Honey I blew up the kid."
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Investigators weren't sure how the victim was killed, but they did find traces of kindness at the scene.
At the Fox News store, the customer is always right.
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Ever visited the retirement home and wondered if you could IRON some of those folks' wrinkles out? Well, the short answer is "no, you can't"
I am DTF! I love to fly. Haven't been on a plane in years! Mid flight I enjoy a nice GTL, gin, tonic and lime. What?
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