When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook for me just to freak people out. Things like, "hey, who knew they had wifi up here?"
If 3 people having sex is a threesome, and 2 people at it is a twosome, why is Handsome still a compliment?
When I have kids I am going to show them the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that.
Every time I almost think humanity is going to be okay, I catch a glimpse of Yahoo Answers.
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
Life is not like a box of chocolates... It's more like a jar of jalapenos: What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow!
IM A MOE LESTER
Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard. Pillow fight