One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
I tend to avoid things that make look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
Donald Trump's hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
I'm a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don't care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
PizzaDr
Deja poo..... The feeling that you've heard this crap before
Beyonce's twins will never have to work a day in their life. She should name one of them Lay-Z.