Life is not like a box of chocolates... It's more like a jar of jalapenos: What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow!
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
"And he said unto his brethren, A man shall not poketh another man on facebook for thine is gayeth" #lostbibleverses
My left arm must be exhausted, I woke up before it did.
R.I.P. Bob Marley. Thanks for the good music, but no thanks for the white guys with dreds.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.