WTF Statuses

The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said "That's how I want you to do it"

I'm paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.

I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.

You never realize how weird your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else.

Is there another word for synonym?

Sex is the only activity where hiring a professional is considered wrong and is often illegal

I’ll rise, but I won’t shine.