For every cigarette you smoke, God takes an hour from your life and gives it to Keith Richards.
I now own an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Cyberbilly
My wife found out that I was cheating. How? She found the letters I'd been hiding. She got real mad and said she'd never play Scrabble with me ever again.
Cyberbilly
Never lie to an X-Ray technician. They can see right through you.
Jon
A set of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.
Cyberbilly
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them. The police call it "Indecent Exposure" but whatever.....
Xyuppi
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.