WTF Statuses

I'm not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.

I just helped a really old person put their groceries in my car.

I don't think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.

As a man I am so thankful I don't have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.

Getting a life sentence in jail is like getting the death penalty but with the execution method being death by old age.

Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.

I wonder if skunks can smell their own farts.