The day I see a runner smiling is the day I’ll consider it.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don't want to talk.
#thedailyjeff
If swimming is such great cardio, explain manatees.
#thedailyjeff
Why are they called "hemorrhoids?" They should be called "asteroids"?
Cyberbilly
I love how music can take you to another place. For example One Direction is playing in this cafe so now I'm going to a different cafe.
When a cashier asks if you found everything you were looking for, take their hand, look deeply into their eyes and say, "I have now."
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?