WTF Statuses

In the 90s if a woman said “my eyes are up here” it was because a guy was staring at her chest Today it’s because he’s staring at his phone.

Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that’s just in case I find a cake.

In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.

My life coach told me to just let the clock run out.

I’ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.

My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.

I wonder how many strangers have stories about me