I can't afford to go on a vacation, so I'm just going to drink until I don't know where I am.
Have you ever seen a baby horse trying to stand for the first time? That's what I look like getting out of bed in the morning.
Running behind is my cardio.
You know that feeling when the fireworks are over and it's time to go home? Being an adult is basically just like that, but all the time.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
There's no "i" in "team" but there's an "i" in "Tim", and my friend Carlos pronounces it "team" so there you go.