Novell
Drinking water through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.
If you can't say something nice about someone, you probably work at the same place I do.
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon".
Alicia Keys' "girl on fire" would make an awesome Vagisil commercial.
Novell
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
Novell
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door
Novell
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.